Well it finally happened to me. That thought, that
possibility that's hidden somewhere in the back of probably every
pastor couple's mind. I was trusting in God, yet still my heart was
pounding, my pulse was throbbing, and my thoughts were racing. Why?
Because it was my turn to experience a situation it seems almost
everyone in the ministry experiences sooner or later: "Are we being
fired!?!?!"
At first, the thoughts centered on "Who?" and "Why?"
and "Who else believes this about us?" Then, I reminded myself that God
is watching over us, which helped for a minute. Yet all too soon, the
next round of questions bombarded my thoughts: "What about my
children?" "How will this effect them?"
It takes more than a platitude of "God is watching over us" to calm my nerves, and here's why:
Losing
a job is tough on anyone, but few people understand the increased
turmoil a forced termination causes a minister's family. While those in
other vocations can usually get a new job without moving, the pastor's
family often ends up in much greater upheaval. Living in a parsonage?
Automatically they must move. Staying in the ministry? Usually the next
position is in a different town. Children in school? That makes it even
tougher.
My oldest son is mildly autistic, and so we have
endeavored to stay in the same school district since his diagnosis. The
students in his class know him, love him, and look out for him. A new
school district brings in the unknown, and the very real concern of
bullying he'd most likely face among strangers. My youngest son has
already chosen his wife. Seriously! And though I'm sure he'll outgrow
his infatuation, I pondered all the relationships he'd developed over
the years that would suddenly be yanked away from him.
But
fortunately, God offers me much more than platitudes. As my thoughts
settled once again, I was reminded of my study in the book of Exodus
last fall. As I'd read about Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt,
God really impressed upon me to look beyond the narrative and into the
relationship He and Moses must have had. So as I studied, I couldn't
help but notice how Moses communed with God. Then right there in
chapters 33-34, it hit me. The passage speaks of how God revealed His
glory to Moses, passing in front of Him and speaking of His nature. I'd
studied it many times before, but had never noticed when God revealed His glory.
I
think it's significant that right after the people rebelled against
Moses' (and ultimately God's) leadership, God revealed Himself to Moses
in an even more personal and intimate way than He had ever done so
before. And afterwards, Moses' face shone -- so much that he had to
wear a veil in between meetings with God. And I tend to believe His
relationship with God was tight from then on -- his face continued to
shine as He continued to meet with God.
Fortunately for us, our
termination scare was short-lived. Although it still stings to think
how one of our staunchest supporters turned into someone who was
speaking of "moving us on down the road;" God still has a plan for us
in our current church, and we rejoice in that. However, if/when this
ever does happen, I know that I can crawl into the lap of the One who
cares for me the most, just the way I did when it seemed like the worst
was happening. And His peace really does pass all understanding.
If
you're going through a termination experience or have recently
experienced a forced resignation, I won't insult you by saying I know
how you feel. I only know from the experiences some of my pastor's wife
friends have had, that it stinks terribly, more than I can imagine. At
the same time, I do know that you can draw closer to God than you ever
have before; and like Moses, you will see Him in a whole new light --
as one who is loving, faithful, and an ever present help in times of
trouble.
If
you know of a resource that's not listed, please leave us a comment and
we'll review it for possible inclusion in our directory. Also, if you would like to share how God helped you through a forced termination experience, please feel free to write a comment or leave a link to a specific blog entry where you've written about it.
I completely understand how you felt! Also, I am really glad for you that it has all smoothed out, and you won't have to leave. My husband and I have always been the type to stay where we're planted. With that mindset, my husband was a youth pastor at our former church for 13 years. As you can imagine, circumstances beyond our control caused us to decide to leave (part of which included the congregation not selecting my husband as a candidate for the sr. pastor role). As you mentioned in your blog, I was overwhelmed by all it entailed for us to leave. We were dropping everything - home, school, friends, and CHURCH. On top of that, we couldn't tell a single person we were leaving because it would upset the stability of the church while they were looking for a new pastor. I couldn't help but feel they were missing the right candidate right under their nose. I was feeling really sorry for myself. A really odd thing helped me. I was complaining to someone about our situation, and she told me she understood. She said that happened to her a LOT since her husband was in the military. They didn't have a choice when or where the moves would be. That blew me away. I was feeling so sorry for myself, thinking only other Pastor families had to deal with this, when all along, I forgot what military families go through constantly. No doubt, it was one of the hardest things we went through, but we survived, and not only survived, but see how it was very integral for our spiritual and personal growth. God knew what He was doing!
We are going through a rough time where some of the church members have come and asked for my husband's resignation. Our deacons....well, most of the deacons, don't want him to resign, but I'm afraid that the unrest will spread as the lies these families tell continue to spread. I'm at a point where I don't know who I can trust, and that's just ridiculus in the church!
I have a question. Not sure if this is where I should put it but what about a pastor who is actually thinking of resigning? Anyone advise?
@clarks4christ - My husband was recently verbally attacked by 3 members in the church where he had been pastor for 3 years. We were literally blown out of the water! We had no idea anything was coming. I am hurt so deeply that I don't know what to do. I love these people so much and just cannot believe they would do such a thing. As if this was not bad enough, today I found out that these people were spreading horrible lies about us and the reasons for my husbands resignation.I know exactly how you feel about not knowing who to trust. My only advice to you would be what I keep telling myself. We can trust our Almighty God. He will never let us down. For our husbands sake we need to pray hard and try to encourage them. Remember, we are their helpmates. We must encourage them to go on for God. I will remember you in my prayers and ask you to please remember me in yours. God bless you.
servant4lordjesus
Ladies... I have been disappointed in our little church family of late... honestly time for them to step up and not leave all the work for us!! I told my husband, "If the church doesn't begin to grow... (not just numbers... but maturity) I've been thinking about moving!"
Honestly... at the cost of losing vision and purpose - I don't want the same old, same old like some of our folks are comfortable with! Ya'll been there?
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Comments (5)
I completely understand how you felt! Also, I am really glad for you that it has all smoothed out, and you won't have to leave. My husband and I have always been the type to stay where we're planted. With that mindset, my husband was a youth pastor at our former church for 13 years. As you can imagine, circumstances beyond our control caused us to decide to leave (part of which included the congregation not selecting my husband as a candidate for the sr. pastor role). As you mentioned in your blog, I was overwhelmed by all it entailed for us to leave. We were dropping everything - home, school, friends, and CHURCH. On top of that, we couldn't tell a single person we were leaving because it would upset the stability of the church while they were looking for a new pastor. I couldn't help but feel they were missing the right candidate right under their nose. I was feeling really sorry for myself. A really odd thing helped me. I was complaining to someone about our situation, and she told me she understood. She said that happened to her a LOT since her husband was in the military. They didn't have a choice when or where the moves would be. That blew me away. I was feeling so sorry for myself, thinking only other Pastor families had to deal with this, when all along, I forgot what military families go through constantly. No doubt, it was one of the hardest things we went through, but we survived, and not only survived, but see how it was very integral for our spiritual and personal growth. God knew what He was doing!
We are going through a rough time where some of the church members have come and asked for my husband's resignation. Our deacons....well, most of the deacons, don't want him to resign, but I'm afraid that the unrest will spread as the lies these families tell continue to spread. I'm at a point where I don't know who I can trust, and that's just ridiculus in the church!
I have a question. Not sure if this is where I should put it but what about a pastor who is actually thinking of resigning? Anyone advise?
@clarks4christ - My husband was recently verbally attacked by 3 members in the church where he had been pastor for 3 years. We were literally blown out of the water! We had no idea anything was coming. I am hurt so deeply that I don't know what to do. I love these people so much and just cannot believe they would do such a thing. As if this was not bad enough, today I found out that these people were spreading horrible lies about us and the reasons for my husbands resignation.I know exactly how you feel about not knowing who to trust. My only advice to you would be what I keep telling myself. We can trust our Almighty God. He will never let us down. For our husbands sake we need to pray hard and try to encourage them. Remember, we are their helpmates. We must encourage them to go on for God. I will remember you in my prayers and ask you to please remember me in yours. God bless you.
servant4lordjesus
Ladies... I have been disappointed in our little church family of late... honestly time for them to step up and not leave all the work for us!! I told my husband, "If the church doesn't begin to grow... (not just numbers... but maturity) I've been thinking about moving!"
Honestly... at the cost of losing vision and purpose - I don't want the same old, same old like some of our folks are comfortable with! Ya'll been there?
Sis. D